Sunday, July 4, 2010

What Have I Done To Deserve This?

Earlier I posted a "tweet" at my "twitter" thing (cough cough, @nolanwhyte) where I said that after Zenon Konopka signed as a free agent with the New York Islanders, I was plagued by a feeling of vague guilt, as though "Zeke's" departure from the Lightning was the universe's way of punishing me for something I did wrong. Now, usually my tweets are promo-links to blogs or stories I've written, but this one was just a comment. But the blokes at Raw Charge said they wanted to see the blog. So here it is.

But here's the disclaimer: I don't believe in karma. Karma, as a values system, is stupid. Just like the Christian concept of heaven and the Capitalist vision of joyful retirement, karma is just a way for the powerful to grind down the workers and the peasants, while feeding them a nice line of stand-in-line bullshit: "You'll get your reward later, now get your over-worked ass back in the fields and make the king some more money."

So I don't actually believe we are "punished" by the universe for bad behavior.

However, when one of your team's most entertaining players is cut loose (he wasn't even offered a contract! "You don't fit in our plans." Nothing!) you might get the feeling that something is working against you. And you wonder if maybe you deserve it. Screw you, right? Why should everything go your way? Maybe you deserve to suffer a little. Or at least, maybe you don't deserve to be happy. You snivelling little bastard.

So here are a few bad things that I've done, that could possibly be reasons I don't deserve to be happy.
  • As a joke, I once gave a kid a paintball and told him it was a gum ball. He didn't talk to me for about a year after that.
  • Once during foreplay, I asked the girl if she would go brush her teeth. She cried.
  • I broke up with a girl via email. Then, when the phone started ringing like crazy, I left the house.
  • During my drinking days, I frequently lied to loved ones. Bad news, because I'm a terrible liar. I still drink now, I just don't lie about it, which works better for everyone. Hell, I might even drink more now than I did then, because it's all out in the open. But I'm not drinking nearly as much as I did during my bad drinking days when...
  • I used to drink before work, drink at work, and a few times (this is shameful and repugnant) I drank while driving to work. It's a disease.
  • I don't remember any stealing, and the only time I've ever punched a guy in the face was during a hockey game. I've said some stupid, hurtful things, but nothing stands out as being truly horrible. And I don't think I ever really, really hurt anyone that I wasn't dating.
Am I evil? Am I a villain? Maybe. I guess so. I thought the pain I went through during the Koules/Barrie days would have acted as penance for anything I've ever done.

And I want to tell you: I like what the Lightning are doing. Yzerman is being patient and tactical. But it would have been nice to have Konopka back. He was a fun guy to have on the team, even if he did play only five minutes a night.

Anyway, whether or not I'm evil, Zenon is gone. Good luck with the Islanders, Zeke. Fan for life.


  1. That's what you get for being an atheist & commie pinko! Karma is a bitch.


    Earl Hickey

  2. I feel like this guy really understands me.