Yeah, I'm still doing this, and I'm still focusing on the forwards. What the bloody nuts is it with me and the forwards? So far I've done predictions on five forwards, and one liner of the blue. Why? Because, it's more fun to talk about points with forwards, especially forwards that are supposed to score. Like, did anyone ever care how many points Marc Bureau was putting up? Superstar Lightning fan points to anyone who remembers HIM. Traded for Mick Vukota. What a blockbuster. Anyway, the Lightning have a bunch of solid D-men, but who care how many points solid defenders are going to put up? Ten, twenty points? Yawn.
Anyway, I'm going to pick on the NKOTB first of all. That's "New Kid On The Block" for you young'ns. Ryan Shannon, this is your future.
Okay, so we've got a little pipsqueak free agent signing straight outta the hood, as in Ottawa. He's 28, has been a fringe NHLer for the past few years, but hangs and trains with a certain demigod named Martin St. Louis in the off season. Hey, do you know who's awesome? Martin St. Louis.
Anyway, Shanny (Shanner? Shansy? Shannatopolis? Shannamadingdong?) had 27 points in 79 games last season for an absurdly disappointing Senators squad last year. How completely crappy the Sens were means two things: Shannarama had the opportunity to move up the depth chart and get better ice time, and it also means he had AHL quality teammates to try and dish with.
But with the mighty Tampa Bay Lightning, Sha-na-na will be saucering the puck back and forth with a lineup including a former Art Ross and two former Rocket Richard winners. Who know if he'll see ice time with the power-homies, but what evs, right? Aim for the stars.
I'm putting Shannagapigulouslydiggamahdaich (these hockey nicknames are getting out of hand. I'ma gunna call him Ryan Shannon) down for what will be, for him, a breakout season: 18 goals, 27 assists, for 45 points. Based on what? What do I base any of this on?
Ryan Malone (and thank whichever made-up god you pray to or curse at when you get scared or angry that he already had a nickname) gives me some worries. In seven NHL seasons, he's never gone injury free (closest was his rookie year in '03-'04 when he played 81 games), and last year was his worst yet for man-games lost.
Head Couch Guy Boucher has said Bugzo gets hurt because of the game he plays, going to the rough areas and banging away like an unemployed '80s hair metal drummer in search of redemption. The skinny is that Bugzilla spent the summer training to avoid injury (why didn't we all think of that earlier?), but a gambling man such as myself (I once lost forty dollars in a casino. In one night!) would not bet against Bugly getting hurt again. I'm going to call him for a 61 game season. And I prognosticate he'll nail home 21 goals with 17 assists.
The real interesting thing to prognosticate would be what gets injured on him. I'm going to call "upper, lower and mid body, with some damage to the inner and outer body as well." Book it.
And Steven Stamkos? A slump year. 5 goals, 7 assists for 12 points. Yeah right. In October, maybe.
There's only one place for Stammer to continue going and that is up and forward, as though he were shot out of a cannon. Yes, he dipped from 51 goals the previous year to a mere 45 last season, but no one doubts that this guy, if he stays healthy, will continue to destroy goalies and will continue finding more ways to score. Like Sidney Crosby, Stamkos keeps adding new skills to his repetoire.
Numbers? You want numbers? I'm giving him two packs of cards: 52 goals and 52 assists for 104 points and a Hart nomination. Blammo.
Up next: A rundown of the best of the rest.
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